Last October, when I was asked to direct this musical production for the youth of my church, I had no idea what I was in for. The past six months have been some of the most spiritual of my life. It has been a privilege to spend time with these amazing young men and women and their leaders. I have enjoyed feeling of their spirit, of their testimony, and of their love for the gospel and for the Savior. Participation has been a tremendous blessing and a period of time in my life I will never forget.
It began with the tremendous inspiration I felt as I wrote the script. I wept for hours as I read, re-read and studied the scriptures. I drew pictures of the staging images that came into my mind. I wrote and wrote and re-wrote documents and instructions and pages. I listed to the music and studied the scores for hours. The spirit was amazing.
The entire thing from beginning to end was full of miracles. The day of the kick-off fireside, I woke up feeling sick. By 11am I was vomiting. I had to speak that night. I asked for and received a priesthood blessing. I was temporarily healed enough to sleep a few hours, gather my thoughts, and speak at the fireside that night. I got home just barely in time to resume vomiting all night.
I have story after story from the young men, young women and leaders involved of their experiences with the spirit. Lives were changed. Testimonies were born and strengthened.
But the real miracle for me will go untold to others because it is about my sobriety and my relationship with my Heavenly Father.
I was born to do productions like these -- large choir (over 180 people), full orchestra (37 players), soloists, speakers, actors -- the whole thing. I have a gift for working with teenagers and for working with large groups. I always have. But the productions I have done were during the height of my addiction. I have always been afraid I would never be able to do these types of things again without falling back into my old patterns of behavior. I had resigned myself to never teaching again, never leading a band or choir and never being involved in productions of this magnitude. I figured it was something I had to do to stay sober. And since my life means nothing without sobriety, I was willing to make that sacrifice.
But -- that is not the case. Not only did I make it through sober, but I made it through a better person. I made it through and then some. There was no crash at the end. I didn't overwork myself to depletion. I gave up the perfection complex for a more realistic approach. I didn't micromanage my way into a sobriety slip. But more than that -- I am humbled to know that after all I have done, all the mistakes I have made, the people I've hurt, the issues I've caused and dealt with, Heavenly Father considers me worthy to participate in His work. I am humbled to have been a part of this experience for the youth. I know it changed some of their lives -- but it changed my life. I will never read the Book of Mormon the same again. Whenever I pictures the Book of Mormon prophets, I will pictures MY boys - my prophets - and say a prayer for them. And I know, through the atonement of Jesus Christ, I have been forgiven.
I can still do the things I love and not fall into addiction again.
That is my miracle.
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