Loser

In the never-ending battle with my sister, I am the perpetual loser.

It seems, no matter how hard I try, how forgiving or kind I am, how angry and frustrated I get, how calm or rational I converse, I end up the loser.  She's upset because I forget something, she's upset because I don't forget something.  She's frustrated because I don't want to spend all day going to stores with her, then the next day she pulls an attitude because I go to the store without her.  I seriously do not understand the situation.

I try for so long, and then just give up and let it go.  She's not more upset when I let it go, so it must really not matter.  Part of it is my people-pleasing attitude.  Part of it is the fact that she is my big sister and all I've ever wanted was for her to love me.  But she doesn't.  She never has.  And I need to accept that and let it go.  She doesn't love anyone but herself.  She is self-absorbed; self-obsessed really.

I don't want to live with it anymore.