Beauty

For a long time, I have felt that being overweight made me less worthy of nearly everything in life.  I have also really struggled with feeling pretty or beautiful.  I'm not sure what I can do about it, but I know I want to try to do something, anything. 

My first thought:  What does the Lord say about beauty?

I turned to my scriptures and looked up every verse I could find that had reference to beauty or used the word beautiful.  This is what I found from the Lord:

• Being dressed in the garments of the Holy Priesthood makes you beautiful. (Ex. 28:2)
• Having a ruddy completion is part of a beautiful countenance. (1 Sam. 16:12)
• Beauty comes from being holy, sacred, consecrated, belonging to a divine being.  (1 Chr. 16:29)
• We should sacrifice and take pride in our appearance.  If our body is a temple, it deserves to be taken care of like a temple.  (2 Chr. 3:6)
• The beauty of the Lord referred to many times in the scriptures has to do with the protection and safety the Lord provides, the salvation of the Lord. (Psalms 27:4)
• Zion is referred to as "the perfection of beauty", yet Zion is defined as the pure in heart. Therefore, the perfection of beauty come only from the pure in heart.  (Psalms 50:2)
• The Lord will beautify the meek with salvation.  (Psalms 149:4)
• Aging is part of life.  There is beauty in it.  (Proverbs 20:29)
• Obsession over beauty or worshipping beauty over the Lord is not what the Lord wants from us.  (Proverbs 31:30)
• God will make everything beautiful in His time. To everything there is a season.  (Ecc. 3:11)
• In the last days, the Lord promises burning (defined as branding or slavery) instead of beauty, and says it is a punishment for the worldliness of the daughters of God. Worldly attributes of the daughters of God are described as wanton eyes (carnal mind), earrings, rings, nose jewels, multiple changeable suits of apparel, and He says he will strip the bravery of their tinkling ornaments. (Isaiah 3:24)
• Sharing the gospel and bearing testimony make you beautiful.  (Isaiah 52:7)
• It is not for His appearance that we should desire the Savior.  He has no comeliness and is not pleasing in appearance.  He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief.  It is what He was, who He was, what He offered that made men desire Him.  (Isaiah 53:2)
• My home should be a place of beauty since that is where I worship God. (Isaiah 60:13)
• Beware of the hypocrisy of beauty.  We can appear outwardly beautiful but inwardly be full of uncleanness.  Sometimes just the pursuit of beauty does that to us. (Matt. 23:27)
• The beauty of the fruit of eternal life is far more beautiful than anything earthly. (1 Ne. 11:8)
• Beauty is not found in costly, elaborate clothes, but in plain garments and in industry. (D&C 40:42)

Just reading this list makes me feel more beautiful.  Is that weird? There is nothing on this list that says you have to be a certain height or weight.  Nothing refers to the color of your hair or features of your face.  To the Lord, I am beautiful.  I honor my covenants and have dedicated my life to Him.  I bear my testimony and try to do His will.  Do I have things to work on?  For sure.  But don't we all.

I allow many things in life to separate me from God.  I am always feeling there is a certain level of behavior or success I have to attain BEFORE I can be worthy of His acknowledgement, acceptance and love.  That is just not true.  Not now, not ever true. 

Lately, and really throughout most of my life, my negative obsession with my appearance demonstrates an almost borderline worshipping of beauty.  That is not what I want for my life, nor is it what the Lord wants for my life.  When I allow myself to feel shameful and unworthy because I don't feel beautiful, I am worshipping beauty.  Not only that, I find the more critical I am of myself, the more critical I am of others. 

For years I have said to myself.  People only want me for what I am, for what I offer to them, for the help I can provide.  I hated that about my relationships.  I wanted to be desired, lusted after for physical reasons.  I've read those scriptures in Isaiah 53 countless times.  The ones that say "there is no beauty that we should desire him".  Yet - people flocked to Him, never wanted Him to leave.  If not for His beauty - then what?  Because of who he was and what he offered to them.  "To whom should we go? Thou hast the words of eternal life."  I don't offer salvation, nor am I the Savior - but I can relate to those feelings.

I see how the major mistakes I've made in my thinking over the years.  I'm ready to change that.