Wrong?

I am incredibly overwhelmed with emotion this week and am having a hard time pinpointing what is wrong or exactly how I feel.  I seem to swing back and forth between extremes, either really happy or incredibly annoying or angry.

My sister, whom I live with, is incredibly annoying to me right now.  I can hardly stand to be with her.  Things all week have been totally triggering to me. They are little things, but seem to set me off so quickly.  Last night while I was finishing up in the kitchen she stood next to the light switch waiting for me to finish so she could turn the light out.  Earlier this week she went through my bag to find my keys. She also cleaned up after me in the kitchen one night. Today, she threw old bread on my clean patio & grass for the birds.

All these things make me feel inadequate, like she doesn't trust me or believe I can do anything on my own. I hate that she feels free to go through my stuff. There is no respect of me, my things or my privacy. Cleaning up after me again makes me feel inadequate, like she's mad and frustrated with me, like I'm a burden to her. Throwing bread on the lawn makes me angry. She does nothing to take care of our lawn or outside space. Ants are all over the bread and it makes my lawn and patio look dirty.

I get angry because I can't tell her any of this. I don't feel free to tell her any of my emotions. I feel trapped. I feel financially trapped living with her. I feel like she hates me. I feel like no matter what I do she will always hate me.

I'm lonely and sad. I'm frustrated and overwhelmed. I've cried all day. I'm jealous of the women in my group therapy who have people to talk to - husbands, family, etc. who know about their lives and they can discuss things with them.

Why do I feel like I can't talk to anyone about how I feel? At least in my family? I am the Relief Society President. I am the peacemaker. I can't be broken or have an opinion. It's my job to keep everyone else happy.  That has been my job for as long as I can remember. I am the pleaser. I hate it today. I hate it completely.

I'm incredibly sad, anxious and scared about my upcoming job change. I know it's my choice and the right thing to do, but I'm scared, angry and mad about it. Why do I have to change and leave - why is it always me who has to change and do the hard things?  Why am I always wrong?  When will I ever be ok? Ever be right? Ever be myself? I'm always the one who leaves - changes - fixes - alters. I'm always the one - so ultimately there must be something wrong with me. I don't fit in. no one/place/people accept me for who I am. My family, my work, my relationships -- are they ALL dysfunctional? That many people can't all be wrong - so I must be wrong.

So here's the catch -- I don't feel wrong. I have good relationships with normal people. I don't think I'm that abnormal. Do I have issues - yes - but who doesn't?

How do I find out if I'm the wrong one?