Ramblings....

I can't decide what I want to write about but feel the need to write.  Writing is a part of me, it always has been.  When my dad passed in 2011, I found a box of his possessions.  Inside was a large file folder full of yellow lined paper.  My dad was a writer. I learned later that my mom was also a writer.  I come from a writing family. 

Tonight the writing doesn't feel focused though.  It's going to be rambling.....

I went to dinner last night with one of my favorite friends. Our birthdays are one day apart and I'm one day older. :)  This year, we were both flat in bed sick on our birthdays.  So to make up for it, we went out last night.  We arrived at 7, ate and talked.  When I looked at my phone it was midnight.  We had talked for 5 hours but it sure didn't feel that way.  As we drove home, she said something like "I love talking to you, I feel like I should pay you for our four hour session."  Feels good on one hand, I always wonder if I talk too much or say too much, but made me feel like I preach too much.  She continued, "You always say the right thing and I have learned so much from you."  That calmed me down a little bit.  The conversation continued and I felt at ease when we parted.  I love her.  I was excited to share with her some of the connections and break-thoughs I've had in my own life, especially the ones involving the week I spent with her children.  It was a great experience. I was so glad to be able to share.  It felt good.

My SA meeting was great this morning. Four woman with good sobriety sharing their thoughts about their lives is always insightful.  We discussed step 10 this morning: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.  I love this step.  The idea of continually keeping your life in check, though difficult, is appealing to me.  Keeping this up to date is easier than having to do big catch-ups.  I love these women. The weekly opportunity to bare my soul and share my emotions and the experiences in my life.  I need it. 

I'm still struggling with this oppressive need for change. I can't seem to figure it out.

I'm totally exhausted.  I've been watching my friend's children in the mornings. I go there at 6 am for a few hours and get the kids up, feed them breakfast, do homework, read scriptures, and get them out the door to school on time.  Four kids, three teenagers and a 9 year old, are exhausting.  I've had so many other things to do lately that have kept me busy all day and at night as well.  I haven't had much sleep and am really tired.  I'm enjoy it though. 

Tomorrow is going to be a great day. I know it. My life is good. It feels good. I feel good.