Depressed..... I think that's how I'm feeling. I'm tired even after 8 hours of continuous sleep. I'm defensive and short with everyone around me. I cry at the drop of a hat and feel overwhelmed by the many tasks ahead of me.
I've felt this way for a few days, maybe even a week. It seems to be growing and growing and spiraling out of control. I so very desperately want it to stop.
The anniversary of my dad's death is coming up in a few weeks. I miss him. This whole month has been hard for me. I spent this time with him last year. I was with him 24/7, taking care of him and watching him slowly deteriorate. I hated it. It was so hard. The whole thing was so hard and I feel like I'm slipping into that again.
My sister brought up living together for another year. I couldn't say no. I wanted to say no, but I couldn't. She kept talking about how if she moved out she'd have to furnish a whole new house, everything in the living room is mine, except the TV. Everything in the kitchen is mine. Nearly everything in the house is mine. I said, don't you just sometimes wish you were living alone again - and she shrugged and said "No, not really." I couldn't say no. I felt like I was abandoning her and my family. The guilt was amazing.
I'm losing myself again.
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