Diets

Dieting began early in my life.  My earliest memory is around 9 or 10 I think.  One summer, I had a weekly appointment with someone who would chart my weight and we would talk about eating habits.  I don't remember much more than that.  I remember her office, and I remember the chart.  I weighed 146 lbs., I remember that, too.  I also remember my mom waking me up really early to go on walks with her. 

In junior high school, at age 11, I was traumatized when the PE teacher yelled me weight out for the whole class to hear.  We were all being weighed in as part of our health check.  I was teased mercilessly after that.  None of the girls wanted anything to do with me, nor would they talk to me.  I weighted 199 lbs.  I started binge eating soon afterwards.

My mom started me on WeightWatchers after that.  It must have been January, because my first weigh in was the week of my birthday.  I lost 9.4 lbs that week.  In one week!!  I don't remember why I quit going, probably because of the cost.  We were always poor.

In high school, I was on and off WW until my parents put me on NutraSystem.  I met weekly with a counselor and ate their pre-packaged food.  I don't remember having much, if any, success on the program.  And I detested that I was there.  That is probably where my distain for pre-packaged food comes from. 

Since then I have tried multiple diets.... SouthBeach, WeightWatchers, The Biggest Loser, The Belly Fat Diet, Medi-Fast, SlimFast, HCG, and multiple other ones here and there.  They don't seem to work for me.  And I can't really figure out why.  When I was seeing a nutritional therapist - she verified that on what I am eating, I should be losing weight.  But I'm not.  I can eat anything I want and not gain weight.  I can eat anything I want and not lose weight.  For whatever reason, my body has decided that I need to weigh this much. 

I hate dieting. I hate the word. I hate everything involved in dieting and eating.  Yet - I hate feeling this way.... kind of out of control and frantic about what I'm eating and when.  I hate feeling sluggish and with low energy.  And I don't want to weigh this much.  I don't want to be this big.  So I need to figure this out.