Faulty Thinking

He climbed on the train in front of me.  I knew he hadn't ridden the train before because he fumbled buying his ticket.  He wasn't sure which fare to buy and which line to get on.  He asked me where to get off for a certain hotel.  We had a quick conversation as I helped him figure out where he was going and looked up a map on my phone. 

He told me about his plans to find somewhere to go drinking that night, but I am pretty sure he had already started on the plane.  We are both from SoCal and had a fun conversation about drivers and beaches and surfing.  Then he said -- "SoCal misses you!"  Very sweet, I responded.  He started looking at me differently then.  It was the "how far will you go" look.  I'm familiar with it from when I used to meet men from personal ads. I would flirt until I got that look and knew they were hooked.  The look was unsolicited last night and made me very uncomfortable.  Yet - at the same time, it feeds a little bit of lust and ego inside me, the part of me that craves attention from men. 

I didn't allow it to go any further. There was no flirting of any kind. When he said he wanted to do more drinking, I just laughed at him and told him to have fun.  He put his hand on my shoulder on the way out and said thank you and nodded his head like he wanted me to get off.  I just sat there and let it go. 

Incidents like this feed faulty thinking patterns.  Patterns that say - Mormon men don't want you, but men outside the church to -- You're only worthy of broken men, etc.  I need to stop thinking that way and let it go.  I need to realize those patterns are old and only I feed them. Which means, if I stop feeding them, they will stop growing and shrivel up and die.  That is what I want to have happen!