Grandma

Deaths are interesting things. 

My grandmother (dad's mom) passed away in 2009. I wasn't involved in any of the arrangements for anything and simply flew in and out for the services.  But I learned several things about her at her funeral that made me appreciate her in even more. 

When my dad passed away in 2011, I was heavily involved in all of the arrangements. I had been living with them and taking care of him 24/7 for the previous two months.  I was involved in all of the medical decisions and all of the funeral decisions.  Yet, when he passed, I learned more and more about him.  I continue to gain a better appreciation for him and who he was the longer he is gone.

Now I sit here in California for the passing of my other grandmother, my mom's mom.  This one is a little different. My grandmother and I were close. I was named after her mother and that always seemed to bond us. We share a love of music and art. She was always very supportive of me.  My siblings and I spent nearly every Sunday afternoon and evening at her house.  I have very fond memories of the time I spent with her.  I've learned a few things about her since her passing, but not many.  What is interesting to me this time is to listen to other people tell stories.  I am fascinated about what other people remember her for.  Their memories feel so different from mine.

Why do we filter so much of who we are?  These three significant people in my life who have all passed away were bigger than the people I knew. 

My dad's dad wrote children's books.  I have a dream of writing children's books. I've started a few, though I've never finished them.  She had two written, though never published.  I wish I would have known that.

My dad was a poet. He wrote poem after poem about his feelings and life and experiences. I never knew that until after he passed.  I, too, share a love of poetry.  He expressed his feelings and thoughts so well in words. I wish we could have shared that.

My mom's mom will forever be the woman I knew, loved and admired.  In this case, I feel like the fortunate one. What other people remember my grandma for, the painting, the food, the color pink, the clean house, the fruit dip, and the lighthouses were an important part of who she was, but they are not the first things I remember when I think of her.  I remember the thousands of leprosy bandages she personally crocheted, or the thousands of quilts she personally made every year to donate to the NICU.  I remember the millions of names she indexed for family history, first by hand using cards, next on the computer before indexing was popular.  She would tell me stories about different batches she had done and the feeling of that batch.  I remember her perfect VT record.  I remember her love of the prophet Joseph Smith and all the church books she used to read.  And most of all, I remember the experiences she shared with me about her life, particularly about her time as the Relief Society President.

One experience has always stood out to me.
Grandma was the Relief Society president when Ezra Taft Benson was the prophet.  He stood up in General Conference one year and challenged the church members to flood the earth with the Book of Mormon.  He emphasized the importance of the book and challenged each church member to read it every day.  Grandma felt the importance of that challenge.  She told me the spirit burned inside her and she knew she needed to encourage the sisters to read the Book of Mormon.  But - she had never read it herself.  Grandma did not have much of an education. Reading was difficult for her.  However, she said the spirit was so strong she knew what she needed to do.  She got down on her knees and pleaded with the Lord.  She made a deal, that if he would help her read the Book of Mormon, she promised that she would only read church books and church material the rest of her life.  She picked up the Book and began reading.  She finished it in two days.  The next week, when she got up in Relief Society to challenge the sisters to heed the prophet, she was able to also bear her testimony of the Book of Mormon and the truthfulness of it.  If you walk into my grandmother's office, it is full of church books.  A living testimony to how she kept up her end of the deal. 

Thank you grandma, for your amazing example of service and love.  I am a better person for having known you.  I love you and miss you.