Creepy

I'm attending an extended family reunion this weekend for my dad's side of the family.  The reunion happens annually, but I haven't been for at least 8 years, probably more like 10 -12 years.  I have great relationships with my cousins on this side of the family, but my grandparents and I don't get along.

I'm going this year in my dad's honor.  He went every year and spending time together as a family was incredibly important to him.  I'm going for him.

My grandpa is just ...... creepy?  That might be the right word.  He likes to kiss all his granddaughters on the lips.  I hate it. It won't happen this time.  He also makes so many inappropriate comments, it's ridiculous.  While my dad was sick, and getting sicker, he told my mom that it was because she didn't have enough faith.  He asked me once when I was going to finally get my life together and get married.  That didn't go over very well with me.

In the early 80's my grandfather was accused of molesting his nieces.  The two girls were my grandmother's sister's girls.  No charges were ever filed and the girls actually confronted him about it, but nothing was done.  It created a rift between my grandmother and her sister that was never mended.  My grandmother passed away in 2009.  Who knows if it ever really happened. 

I have some weird memories of staying at his house.  I don't think I was molested, but I wonder if my aunts and my older sister were.  Regardless, he creeps me out. I have pretty good instincts for this kind of thing.  I am not going to allow him to kiss me on the lips for the weekend.  It's not going to happen.  I have a boundary there and I will maintain it.

Family reunions make me uncomfortable. I don't like having to talk to people about my life. I don't like making small talk. I don't like seeing all these families -- all these married cousins with their children.  All of my cousins of marrying age are married except my sisters and I.  I hate it.  I hate answering questions about what I'm doing and what is going on in my life.  That's really what it is.  I don't feel like I measure up or am good enough.  It's myself comparing my life to other people.  Really, I need to give it up.  I like myself.  I like who I am. I like where I'm at.  Why do I let other people dictate how I feel about myself?  I need stop that.