8.1

Last week of the feeling challenge.

Anger: No anger today.

Fear: Went to lunch and shopping with one of my dearest friends today. I've know her since 1998. She is the only person that knows about my addiction and recovery outside of recovery circles. She is amazing and I love her. However, sometimes I am fearful that I say too much. Or when we have differing opinions on things, it stresses me out a little bit. Overall, I had a really good day with her, but there is still a little fear around her knowing as much as she does.

Shame: No shame today.

Loneliness: I didn't feel a lot of loneliness today. That's two days in a row.... could this be a new trend?

Guilt: I ate too much at lunch today. I've got to get a handle on that.

Pain: No pain.  I'm tired. We shopped for 5 hours today, which is exhausting.

Love: I loved all of the things I bought today.  Does that count?

Joy: I shopped for clothes for 5 hours today. That meant I spent 5 hours trying on things and looking at myself in the mirror.  That is not a fun thing for me as I'm sure it's not for many women. However, I really felt like I did a good job managing it.  There were times, I actually looked in the mirror and said to myself, you look cute. I bought those ones. I haven't looked in the mirror and thought that to myself for ages. It felt good to be accepting of myself and to feel the hard work paying off.

Passion: Passing on this one today.......

I do need to vent for a minute here. Just because I'm taller and bigger than the average woman, doesn't mean I want to dress like a slut, like a 70-year old, or show too much skin. I don't believe "the world looks better in skinnies", as one of the large posters said. I don't want frumpy clothes, but I don't want 16 year old clothes either. Just because I have cleavage, doesn't mean I want to show it off. Ok - I'm done.