So it happened today -- my calling as the Primary President. Well, I guess the call wasn't really extended. It was more like the preliminary calling?
Long story short - the bishopric feels like I should be called as the new Primary President. The stake said no. I have a stake calling and so all ward callings have to be approved by them. The bishopric still feels like I should be called, so the bishop explained the situation to me today and asked if I would be willing to do both. I asked him for a few days to think about it.
I kind of knew this calling was coming. I have felt the pull on and off over the past few weeks. I've even blogged about it before. My first thought was to accept. Of course I would be willing to do it, particularly if that is where the Lord feels I should be. But tonight, I'm leaning towards saying no.
Main reason: I don't want to give up teaching music. I love it. I get 20 minutes every week where I get to teach the gospel to these amazingly wonderful children. I love them so very much. I will get to do that as a president, but I also have to deal with all the administrative stuff. As the chorister, it's just fun with no worrying about teachers or activity days or scouting or anything like that. Just music and doctrine.
Second reason: I do have a lot of other things going on, most of which are church related. I was asked to produce and director the youth musical in the spring and I serve on the Single Adult Committee, as secretary. I need to find a job and work my recovery. This week I have felt overwhelmed for so many reasons and in so many different areas. Adding an additional calling to my life probably isn't the smartest thing to do right now.
What I really feel, though, is conflicted. I've been a primary president before. I loved it, man I loved it. I lived for the weeks I got to teach sharing time. I loved being able to teach children the doctrine. That calling, quite literally, saved my life. As hard as it is to admit, I was the Primary President during the height of my sexual addiction. I stopped doing many things because I knew I would have to face my kids the next day. Primary songs saved me from doing certain things at certain times. I truly felt the calling was a gift from Heavenly Father. It kept me from sinking further into a destructive lifestyle. And it allowed me to feel the Spirit every week.
So tonight's question is: To be or not to be... the Primary President?
After two long prayerful days, I have decided to decline the position. Saying yes to too many things is an issue I have. Being overwhelmed causes anxiety and desires to act out. I'm going to say no and protect myself from that. As I prayed about it, I thought of several women in my ward who would make excellent presidents. I took that as confirmation that I don't need to do this. Since making that decision this morning, I feel more peace than I have for a few days. I'm grateful for that.
ReplyDelete