Thoughts

My mind is spinning a million directions. I need it to stop so I can focus on what needs to be done.  Thoughts in completely random order:

• I started listening to Christmas music today. I LOVE Christmas music. It was fun to get it all out and start listening again.
• My little sis called me five times today and wanted to talk about things. Each time, I had to cut her off so i could get things done. I think she would just talk all day if I didn't end the conversation. I miss her.
• My big sis didn't have school today. She kept asking me all day today if there was something wrong. Yes there is -- leave me alone.
• She also is going to Australia next year. She bought her plane ticket on Saturday. I'm going to have to listen to her talk about it for the next 8 months. She can't stop talking or freaking out about it... what should I do? what should I wear? what if my flight gets delayed? what if I end up stranded? SHUT UP ALREADY! You're an adult -- you'll figure it out!  People travel overseas all the time and somehow they make it back, even with delayed flights and messed up travel plans.
• I'm on my period, craving sugar like crazy. I'm ornery, angry, and have cramps. I'm tired of having periods. I cried for the first two days and today I just want to yell at everyone.
• My knee really hurts. I got it treated at physical therapy this morning, but it still aches.
• I'm freaked out about finding a job. I'm starting to get a little panicky.  The thing is, I haven't really been looking very hard. I really thought and feel this one I've got cooking at the local college is going to come through. I just have to be patient and I'm not very good at that.
• I want to run away today. I'm feeling too much pressure between school, consulting, family issues, looking for a job, therapy and recovery, and the emotional stress I've had recently, I want to run away. I feel like too much is being asked of me. I can barely manage what I have.
• I've been really working hard lately. Not watching so much TV, getting lots done, but I just don't feel like I can catch up. My yard needs work, my office needs work, I've got assignments to write, presentations to give tomorrow at my consulting job, resumes to write, primary to plan, Thanksgiving to plan, and a number of other things.
• I made the mistake of reading my friends blog today and looked through pictures of her and her adorable family. I don't know what it is about kids and families this last week, but I seriously need to stop torturing myself with it. 
• I need to re-engage socially and begin dating again. I want to, but it scares me to death.
• My house is freezing! I fight with my sister all the time about how warm the house is. She doesn't want the thermostat any higher than 62 -- YES, 62!  I'm freezing! I want it at 68, but would compromise at 65!  I hate it.
• I've got to get off this negative kick. I've got to break through and find peace again. I was doing so good until last week. But I've got to find a way to come down from this negative place.