Gratitude

I'm starting to feel really sad tonight.  A big part of it is self-pity. Holidays are a hard time for me in general.  I'm starting to feel sorry for myself for a million reasons............

Last time I worked myself up like this, my sponsor pointed out that I was stuck in comparison mode.  She encouraged me to start listing things I'm grateful for about my life when I started getting this way.  Here goes:

1. My computer with my big double monitors that allow me to work.
2. My kindle and the great books that there are to read.
3. Coke Zero -- seriously the best stuff for a headache.
4. Health -- I am healthy. I'm not on any medications nor have any chronic problems.
5. The color orange -- it makes me happy.
6. Cute jeans.
7. Financial Security
8. My therapist -- seriously would not be alive without him.
9. My physical therapist -- My hip has gotten so much better with his help
10. Primary Music
11. My piano
12. My ability to play the piano
13. My handwriting -- I have GREAT handwriting and love to write
14. My cute bedroom
15. My house
16. The gospel -- I'm grateful to know the eternal plan and purpose of my life on earth
17. Nephew #1
18. Nephew #2
19. Nephew #3
20. Nephew #4
21. Nephew #5
22. Niece #1 -- Born on my birthday -- she's my birthday buddy!
23. The scriptures - particularly Nephi and his experiences
24. Joseph Smith - my great, great, great, great uncle
25. My dear friend Tina
26. My freedom
27. Recovery
28. SA - and all my recovery friends in SA
29. My home teacher -- seriously an amazing guy who has visited me once a month for 4 years
30. College Education
31. Mathematics -- numbers never lie
32. Music -- I love music and couldn't bear a life without it
33. My nutritional therapist -- she is amazing
34. My car -- it works, I love it, it's paid for :)
35. The temple and the peace I feel there
36. Things I need - even when I don't know I need them
37. Good pens to write with - office supplies in general. :)
38. Healing -
39. The Atonement - the fact that I know I will see my dad again
40. My sponsor - who really helps me learn what it means to be in recovery
41. My friends -- those that truly have helped and supported me throughout my life
42. My family -- I am grateful for them and all the craziness.  They help me learn.
43. XBox games -- they provide the small bit of escape I allow myself these days.
44. My talents and gifts -- I have many and am grateful for them.

It's helpful. I don't feel so sorry for myself anymore. I'll keep working on it.