Feelings 1.5

So here I am -- day 5 of the feelings project. I'm actually really liking this.  In just 5 days I do feel more aware of my feelings. Also, this gives me time to process things that happened during the day.  I have noticed that I have a much harder time with the "positive" emotions than the negative ones. Not sure what to do about that, but something should be done. 

Fear:  I sent a possibly controversial email to my boss this morning. I was afraid of the consequences and response. 

Anger:  I serve on a committee that plans activities for singles in my area. We have a big activity coming up in October. I have worked hard to make assignments and delegate things so it's not on all my shoulders. I sent a report in today to the committee.  The woman who chairs the committee responded that she was impressed that everything was delegated and said she wasn't going to come or be there since she had no direct responsibilities.  I was instantly angry.  Why does she feel she can just ditch the activity? And we do need her to be there and help set up, etc.  Seriously -- where do people get off?

Shame:  I need to work more.  I've got a consulting gig and I haven't been putting in enough hours.  I need to put more hours in.  I feel shameful about the amount of playing I've been doing.  I need to work more. 

Guilt:  My friend really wants me to go back and visit her tomorrow.  I don't want to.  I said no, but I still feel guilty that I can't give her what she wants.  My rescuing working within me. 

Pain:  I am so sun burnt.  I only spent 90 minutes at the beach today, but my shoulders and arms are on fire.  But I love it.  :)  But it hurts. 

Loneliness:  I spoke with a member of my group therapy team today.  She was complaining about her husband.  A big part of me was resentful for a few minutes and then it turned into loneliness. I want a partner. I want someone in my life who loves me.  Although, I do have to say, for one of the first times in my life, I feel loveable. 

Joy: I sat at the beach and stared at the ocean today and ate grapes with sand in them.  It was awesome!

Passion:  Can I feel passion for Doctor Who?  I watched a few episodes today and feel like he's my friend.  LOL -- I'm crazy, I know. 

Love:  I feel loveable today. I feel like enough. I feel like myself. I feel like things are changing and I feel like loving.