Setting Dating Boundaries

Boundaries have not been my thing.  But I really want them to be my thing.  As I talked with my therapist earlier this week about being open to relationships and dating, he asked what my dating boundaries were.  I didn't have an answer.  And now I have an assignment for the week.

I have always felt that men showing interest in me was a rare thing.  And because of that, never felt I could be choosy about who it was, what they looked like, or what they wanted.  If a man showed interest, I would jump, and would do things I didn't want to do in order to keep the interest alive.  Jumping usually meant crossing physical lines, but there were other things as well.   When I felt the interest was dying, I would flaunt my sexuality moving things another level up to keep him around.  However, the connections never took the way I wanted them to, and I trapped myself in addiction, thinking all I had to offer was sexuality. It was a sick cycle. One I am very glad to be out of.  However, without great effort and boundaries on my side, I can easily see myself slipping back.

And with that in mind, the list of boundaries needs to be decided on.  To be honest, this makes me feel like a teenager.  My church teaches young men and women to make these boundaries and discuss them.  I admit I looked up the Youth Standards to see what they had to say.  Hard to believe I've never done this before.  But whether I'm 17 or 37, the boundaries need to be in place. 

Conversation Boundaries
My addiction does not need to be discussed until I feel safe and the discussion is necessary.
Conversation will not include sexually explicit comments or discussion including sexual history.

Texting Boundaries
I will not sext with anyone.
I will not say things on text I would not say in person.
I will not send objectification pictures -- body parts, etc. whether clothed or not. 

Email Boundaries
Same as conversation and texting boundaries.

Flirting Boundaries
I will not flirt with men I have no interest in dating. (This can be hard for me.)
Flirting will not include sexually explicit comments or discussion. 

Physical Boundaries
I will have no sexual relations with anyone until we are married.
I will not continue any type of physical intimacy (including hand-holding, cuddling, kissing, etc.) if we are not dating. 

That's a start, right?  I'm sure I'll need to add to it, but at least I've got a starting point.