Feelings 4.4

You would think about nearly 4 weeks of doing this, that it would come more easily.  Some days it does, and some days it doesn't.  Today is not horrible, I just don't necessarily want to process.  Which I suppose is exactly why I should, right?

Anger: More frustration than anger. Sometimes dealing with my old co-workers is really difficult.  They send me emails to handle website issues - but they all conflict with each other. Which direction should I take?  I just wish they would coordinate a little more before they ask me to do something.

Fear: Tomorrow is my hip MRI. I don't know what I'm scared about -- just general fear. What if it is worse than I think? What if it is horrible?  Or what if the MRI shows nothing?

Pain: No pain today, physical or emotional.

Shame: I sent several emails over the weekend to my nutritional therapist, which she asked me for. However, I didn't do them in the way she wanted. When she corrected me and asked me for emails in a different way, I felt shameful. I felt silly, like I was 11 years old all over again and someone was telling me I wasn't good enough. I realize the feelings are kind of ridiculous.  She hadn't given me direction on how she wanted it done and was just asking for what she needed. But it made me feel really childish and shameful for some reason.

Guilt: I didn't put the trash out to be picked up like I told my sister I would.  Now we have an overabundance of trash for the next two weeks.  I feel like she's upset with me about it.

Loneliness: I don't think I really felt lonely today.

Joy:  I went to dinner with a good friend tonight and felt joy in catching up with her. We both lost our fathers to brain cancer. It was joyful to talk about my memories of my dad and several of the things going on in our lives.

Love: At water aerobics this morning there were three women from my ward. They each came and talked to me and asked about me and my life and what was going on. We had good conversations. It was nice to feel acknowledged and loved.

Passion: I'm excited about my company designs with my other sister -- not the guilt sister. I need to work on them more this week and make some progress. I'm also excited about some of the job opportunities I've looked into.